Tuesday, June 23, 2009

There is No Can or Cannot

Today, after class (which was thankfully more organized today, but we still did circuit), I went for a run. By myself. I did our 2.5 mile lap. The great thing about that route is that there's no turning back because you have to go down this steeeeep a$$ hill and it's either come back up or do the whole thing. The first mile was killer for me. I've never run by myself, except for maybe 5 minutes on the treadmill at most. I've always had Ryan there to motivate me. I always said "I can't run." I've said it for years.

Well, approximately half way through, I realize I wasn't going to make it home by 7 (the time I told Ryan I would aim to be home by) if I didn't run the entire way back. You have to understand that the "whole way back" is well over a mile and partly uphill.

So, I ran (translation: jogged at a snail's pace). Everything was sorta burning, but worst of all was my mental game. At the next tree, you can walk. You can't do this. Running isn't your thing. It's ok to walk. It's no big deal not to make it back by 7. He won't even notice.

Until finally, I realized what I was doing. Self-sabotage. For years, I've set my workout goals by deciding what I thought was the easiest path for me. No more. Instead I started pep talking myself: Jasmine, do you realize what you've done in the past four years? You've lost 200 pounds. You forced yourself to workout back when it hurt to even walk. You've maintained your weight in the face of every odd against you to do so. You've disassembled your life in Indiana and reassembled it brick by brick ALL BY YOURSELF in California. True, you have failed at times, fallen on your face, but you have also picked yourself up again every single time. You can do this.

And, guess what? I did it. All the way. It's further than I've ever run in life, and it reminded me that these moments, these struggles, this life never comes down to can or cannot. There is only will or will not.

I will.

============ On a lighter note======================

Here's my food for today.

Lunch was delicious! I made fish tacos using the leftover tilapia fillet (from last night's dinner), along with a little corn, leftover broccoli and some pineapple-mango salsa. It was better for lunch than dinner! I had some fruit on the side (mango, pineapple, grapefruit).


For an afternoon snack, I had a protein-carb platter of hardboiled egg, string cheese, red pepper hummus and the end of a bag of whole wheat pita chips (these are OLD - I bought them in Indiana when I visited in late May). This was perfect to hold me over through class and my run.


When I got back from my amazing run, I was exhausted. I brought home two whole-wheat bagels from work today (our vendors give us free food all the time), so I made bagel sandwiches. Mine had turkey breast (deli), greens, and white american cheese. Usually I'd include hummus, but I used all of it for lunch. I had some baby tomatoes (do they have a "real" name?) and fresh rasberries. Yum! It was the perfect easy refuel for an exhausted girl like me.


And, with that, I'm out, folks.



  1. It's really hard for me to run. I'm the same as you-- jogging slower than a snail. It's frustrating at times because I just want to be able to RUN-- like ACTUAL running. I know it takes time and hard work. I just need to keep it up and eventually I'll be able to do it-- and so will you! Good for you for having such a great attitude :)

    sure the run was great (and kick any run Ive ever done's booty :)) but its the attitude which is more important.

    for fitness and beyond.

  3. WOW! SO TRUE! Isn't it funny (more like SAD) how our thinking can make or break our actions and hold us back? Great job on pushing through your hold-ups and achieving what you didn't know was possible!

  4. You have such an amazing story!! Congratulations on all that you have acheieved!

  5. CONGRATS girl!! thats awesome that you ran all the way home. I feel like running is such a mental game and you just have to push yourself.

    mm love your bagel sammie!

  6. Good for you!!! You are so right about the mindset. There really is "will" or "will not" and it's up to all of us to pull ourselves by our bootstraps and be strong, or give up and take the easy way out. The only person that can make each of us work harder is our ourselves. Thanks for being so inspirational! :)

    p.s. Love your blog!

  7. Wow -- good for you with that run! I'm a lot like the way you used to be sometimes, wanting to do what's easiest. The times I do push myself are the times I feel amazing and accomplished and strong. For me it takes a tough class to really try my hardest, I am weak when left to my own devices!

  8. I couldn't agree with you more about "I cannot" really being mental code for "I will not". It's funny how our minds can sabotage us--when we permit it to happen.

    Casual Kitchen


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