Today, after class (which was thankfully more organized today, but we still did circuit), I went for a run. By myself. I did our 2.5 mile lap. The great thing about that route is that there's no turning back because you have to go down this steeeeep a$$ hill and it's either come back up or do the whole thing. The first mile was killer for me. I've never run by myself, except for maybe 5 minutes on the treadmill at most. I've always had Ryan there to motivate me. I always said "I can't run." I've said it for years.
Well, approximately half way through, I realize I wasn't going to make it home by 7 (the time I told Ryan I would aim to be home by) if I didn't run the entire way back. You have to understand that the "whole way back" is well over a mile and partly uphill.
So, I ran (translation: jogged at a snail's pace). Everything was sorta burning, but worst of all was my mental game. At the next tree, you can walk. You can't do this. Running isn't your thing. It's ok to walk. It's no big deal not to make it back by 7. He won't even notice.
Until finally, I realized what I was doing. Self-sabotage. For years, I've set my workout goals by deciding what I thought was the easiest path for me. No more. Instead I started pep talking myself: Jasmine, do you realize what you've done in the past four years? You've lost 200 pounds. You forced yourself to workout back when it hurt to even walk. You've maintained your weight in the face of every odd against you to do so. You've disassembled your life in Indiana and reassembled it brick by brick ALL BY YOURSELF in California. True, you have failed at times, fallen on your face, but you have also picked yourself up again every single time. You can do this.
And, guess what? I did it. All the way. It's further than I've ever run in life, and it reminded me that these moments, these struggles, this life never comes down to can or cannot. There is only will or will not.
============ On a lighter note======================
Here's my food for today.
Lunch was delicious! I made fish tacos using the leftover tilapia fillet (from last night's dinner), along with a little corn, leftover broccoli and some pineapple-mango salsa. It was better for lunch than dinner! I had some fruit on the side (mango, pineapple, grapefruit).
For an afternoon snack, I had a protein-carb platter of hardboiled egg, string cheese, red pepper hummus and the end of a bag of whole wheat pita chips (these are OLD - I bought them in Indiana when I visited in late May). This was perfect to hold me over through class and my run.
When I got back from my amazing run, I was exhausted. I brought home two whole-wheat bagels from work today (our vendors give us free food all the time), so I made bagel sandwiches. Mine had turkey breast (deli), greens, and white american cheese. Usually I'd include hummus, but I used all of it for lunch. I had some baby tomatoes (do they have a "real" name?) and fresh rasberries. Yum! It was the perfect easy refuel for an exhausted girl like me.
And, with that, I'm out, folks.